By
The Big Guy
Senior
Contributor
It’s a busy
week at the survivalist store. Forty gallon drums of water and dehydrated
mashed potato mix are flying off the shelves. This is it. Today’s December 20th
and that would make tomorrow the end of the world.
I don’t know
if it's supposed to end at midnight straight up or some other time. I would suspect if the world is just going
to disappear or blow up or whatever it would really all have to happen at once.
So it couldn’t be at midnight local time, or any time local time for that matter.
And if the world is just going to disappear then all that water and mashed
potato mix is just going to fly off into space. Seems like all you smarty pants
survivalists didn’t quite think this one through, did you?
Actually, it
sure doesn’t seem like the world is going to end any time on Friday or
Saturday, or next month or next year or next millennium. After all, you can
walk into a bank today and still get a thirty year mortgage, and those boys aren’t going to give you a pile of cash and thirty years to pay them back
if the world is going to end before Starbuck’s gets their next delivery of
frosted lemon cake. Politicians are still posturing in the District and why
would they bother if a sixteen trillion dollar national debt won’t be an issue in another twenty-four
hours or so.
Nope, I’m
reasonably certain this whole end of the world thing is going to turn out to be a
hoax. This is all about a bunch of stupid Mayans who decided to stop working on
their calendar ‘til the end of time and go have a few beers and then decided it
would be more fun to go watch Ignatz wrestle a greased up wild boar than it
would be to go back to work on that idiotic calendar. Hey, who’s idea was that
anyway?
I think you'll find that the most common headline on newspapers this coming Saturday will be: EARTH
– 1, MAYANS – 0. And then we can go back to watching football, eating fatty
foods and buying forty gallon drums of water and dehydrated mashed potato mix.
Oh, and just
in case I’m wrong, let my last wish be that I hoped you would have had a Merry
Christmas.
6 comments:
There are 40 gallon drums of water? And I've been buying it by the gallon? Sheesh!
I hope the end comes before I have to shovel the snow.
It's been a pleasure reading you. Now I'll head for my wine cellar---and then i won't care.
Whatever happens, the round this time has been a blast. I'm still hoping all our dreams come true, but whatever. You'll find me down at Joey's Pool Hall back on the snooker tables. If you want to stop by, use the alley entrance. May the best of the best come your way.
On a more positive note, today might set a world record for unprotected sex.
G-
Thanks for a big laugh.
TBG
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