By The Big Guy
It’s a busy week at the survivalist store. Forty gallon drums of water and dehydrated mashed potato mix are flying off the shelves. This is it. Today’s December 20th and that would make tomorrow the end of the world.
I don’t know if it's supposed to end at midnight straight up or some other time. I would suspect if the world is just going to disappear or blow up or whatever it would really all have to happen at once. So it couldn’t be at midnight local time, or any time local time for that matter. And if the world is just going to disappear then all that water and mashed potato mix is just going to fly off into space. Seems like all you smarty pants survivalists didn’t quite think this one through, did you?
Actually, it sure doesn’t seem like the world is going to end any time on Friday or Saturday, or next month or next year or next millennium. After all, you can walk into a bank today and still get a thirty year mortgage, and those boys aren’t going to give you a pile of cash and thirty years to pay them back if the world is going to end before Starbuck’s gets their next delivery of frosted lemon cake. Politicians are still posturing in the District and why would they bother if a sixteen trillion dollar national debt won’t be an issue in another twenty-four hours or so.
Nope, I’m reasonably certain this whole end of the world thing is going to turn out to be a hoax. This is all about a bunch of stupid Mayans who decided to stop working on their calendar ‘til the end of time and go have a few beers and then decided it would be more fun to go watch Ignatz wrestle a greased up wild boar than it would be to go back to work on that idiotic calendar. Hey, who’s idea was that anyway?
I think you'll find that the most common headline on newspapers this coming Saturday will be: EARTH – 1, MAYANS – 0. And then we can go back to watching football, eating fatty foods and buying forty gallon drums of water and dehydrated mashed potato mix.
Oh, and just in case I’m wrong, let my last wish be that I hoped you would have had a Merry Christmas.