A Fresh Start?

By The Big Guy

Senior Contributor

Okay, here’s what happens next. You can probably catch a bunch of it on C-SPAN. Or you can just poke yourself in the eyes with an ice pick and call it even.

At 11am Eastern Time the 112^th Congress will convene for the last time. Thank (insert your own favorite Deity here), right? If their last hour in existence is any reflection of their previous two years then I wouldn’t imagine they could get a majority to agree that it’s Thursday. Maybe they’ll surprise us and just spend the time making speeches about all their hard work, the lifelong friendships they’ve made with members on both sides of the aisle, and the health benefits they enjoy courtesy of the American people and better than any benefits available to the American people unless, of course, they’ve been elected to congress.

At 12 Noon the 112^th Congress will adjourn – forever. See above for appropriate thanks to the Deity.

At approximately 1pm the 113^th Congress will convene for the very first time. Uh oh. If you are expecting something completely different, this would be a good time to get that firm grasp on both your ears and do what you can to pull your head out of your butt. Let’s remember there are still several dozen members on the red side of the aisle who haven’t got a brain between them but think they run the joint, live happily well within the confines of the right wing media bubble (speaking of heads jammed in butts), and never saw a bill they couldn’t vote against unless, of course, it was for congressional health benefits, the only free thing in America they don’t regard as a handout. Just ask them what they think about winter coats for poor people.

While it won’t be a busy agenda (why rush things on day one when you’ve got two years to cause havoc), the first order of business will be to elect the speaker, the job currently held by the guy in the picture up top there. If he gets his wish he will remain speaker and on that possibility I must admit a wave of ambivalence washes over me. On the one hand, taken in a vacuum (and believe me there are times I’d like to see him sucking for air inside a bell jar), he’s probably one of the most moderate of those currently serving in the majority party. Then there’s the other hand. That would be the hand that finds him willing to surf this country right over the cliff to kiss the crazies' butts in an effort to reassure his continued speakership no matter the cost. That would also be the hand that will keep him from enjoying dinner anywhere in the state of New Jersey for deciding that hurricane relief is apparently for the weak and/or just another handout to the poor (see winter coats above). And that would be the hand that had him with a Plan B until he didn’t have a Plan B. We’ll see. It all happens this afternoon.

Of course, by the time some of you read this you may have already missed the action. Consider yourself among the lucky ones. I’d close by saying that the 113^th Congress couldn’t possibly be worse than the 112^th Congress, but I’d like to believe I’m not an idiot. We’ll leave it at that.